The truth

31 07 2009

Long after I had suspected that the Tooth Fairy might be a load of crap, I made a different discovery.

Let me back up. Like most little girls, I was fascinated with the things on top of my mother’s dresser. Little glass boxes filled with random, mismatched jewelry; a basket full of makeup; fluffy brushes; a little plastic McDonald’s coffee stirrer she used for mixing two shades of liquid foundation (this was the 80s when everyone was inexplicably pink-tinged and never looked right); pictures. I don’t think my mom wore perfume, but if I catch a whiff of the right moisturizer or Shaklee makeup I’m sent right back to my childhood.

But one day, I found another glass box. It was tucked away, a little further back on the dresser that was so much taller than me. And in it, were a bunch of baby teeth. Some of which had remnants of dried blood.

Now, I understand that some mothers keep that kind of stuff. But I had no clue at the time! What theory was I supposed to come up with upon finding her freaky tooth collection, what might a child in South Louisiana think of all this?

VOODOO.

Yes, I was convinced my sweet, church choir-singing mother was going to try to put a hex on me. No lie. I put the box back very carefully and kept my eye on her. I got suspicious when we had chicken, wanting to see if she kept the bones. When she put me to bed, I pretended to go to sleep and then snuck out to spy on her as she sat in the living room. I spent a lot of time crouched in the foyer, peering around the corner. I never caught her, but I did get to see some late night TV.

I’m sure I must have eventually asked my mother, like a week or two later. I remember her laughing really hard at me (though, to be fair, that happened a lot). And I’m certain she assured me that she had no creepy use for my teeth other than a warped sense of sentimentality.

But still . . .





Aiding desperation

26 07 2009

Even though I’ve lived in Texas for just over 2 years now, I have yet to change my cell phone number.  Not that this is the point, I’m just saying.

This afternoon, I received a text message:

“this ace? *l&k, denise*”

I don’t actually know what that means, but I ignored it.

10 minutes later, my phone rings.

Me: Hello?
Female caller: Hellooo.
Me: Um, hello?
FC: Hi, who is this?
Me: (I really hate when people call ME and then instead of identifying themselves, ask who I am). Who are you looking for?
FC: Well, this is the deal. I accidentally gave this guy your number instead of mine.
Me: Uh huh.
FC: Has anyone called you?
Me: No. Bye!
FC: WAIT!!
Me: What.
FC: If a guy calls you asking for Brooke, could you give him this number and ask him to call me?
Me: Are you kidding me?
FC: Just give him this number. You’re sure a guy hasn’t called you?
Me: (laughing before I hang up)

Oh please, now I’m a dating/answering service? No way. No way in hell, lady.

UPDATE: It’s 12:33 a.m. C just got home and I was relating this tale to her. Suddenly, my phone rings! C says, “I bet it’s the guy!”
I answer, lo and behold a guy asks if Brooke is there. “Wrong number!! CLICK.”

C says if he calls again I should answer “Brookview Convent, may I help you? Oh, I’m sorry, she’s taking her vows right now, not only of chastity but also silence. You should have called earlier today. Go with God!”

FUTHER UPDATE, Monday: The same girl starts calling my phone today. Like 10 times, seriously. I don’t answer. Finally, she texts me.

“Hi i talked to you yesterday about a number callin u…has anyone called you yet???”

I respond, because I am sick and tired of this shit: “You have got to be kidding me. I’m not your answering service. Stop contacting me.”

Which prompts this from her: “Umm there really is no need to get rude…i was just asking u a simple question & yesterday you could hv told me u didnt want to…obviously u having some damn problems today…but no problem dude. — ima be aiight.”

Can you even believe this? Is this actually my life? YOU IMPERTINENT LITTLE TWIT SHIT. Really now, I am shocked at the behavior of some people.  Soon after that, she started calling me again so I wisely blocked the number. People are WEIRD, man. But I’m absolutely thrilled to know she’ll be “aiight.” Tiny little idiot.





Late night offers

24 07 2009

It’s no secret that I stay up VERY late at night. Sometimes I don’t go to bed until after the sun comes up. I try to reverse this and sleep along with the normal people. Sometimes it works for a while. But, left to my own devices, I snap right back to being a night owl.

That’s not the point. The point is that last night (this morning) I went to bed at 4 am, which is early for me! I had been lying there for a bit, about to fall asleep, when I had a sneezing fit. Of course, C wakes up a little bit.

Me: (sneezing uncontrollably)
C: (groggily) Blarg. Y’ok?
Me: Yeah, I’b fide.
C: Really?
Me: Yup, just sneezing.
C: Ok. Do you want a towel?
Me: Um, no. I’m going to get a tissue, though. I don’t think I need a whole towel.
C: (suspiciously). O-kay.

At that point she quite literally falls back into her pillows and begins snoring.

So I asked her about it this morning (she’s making me us breakfast right now!).

C: Oh yeah! I remember that.
Me: Why would I need a towel though?
C: Because when you sneeze, you get really snotty and gross.
Me: Wow, thanks.
C: Just looking out for you.

I don’t know whether to be flattered at her attention to detail (though she’s exaggerating) and concern or be kind of insulted.





Various entertainment news

17 07 2009

First off, C and I have canceled our digital cable. We didn’t even replace with basic cable, which leaves us with NO live tv at all, ever. I thought it would be terrible, but it’s not!! Now we watch stuff because we want to watch it, not just to have background noise. Also, our bill from Time Warner went down by 66% or so. Which is awesome. She did, however, get cables to connect one of the laptops to the tv, so now when we watch something online, we’re not huddling around a tiny screen on the couch. It’s working out really nicely.

What else, M went to a Dirty Projectors concert the other night, which prompted me to dig through some of my downloads and listen to them again. I have a lot of music, so much that I don’t always listen to it often enough. And you know what? I’m addicted to this song. A lot. C hates it, because of the repeating, vaguely Asian jangly bit, but I like it. And the chorus is just fantastic and catchy as hell.  Click below and give it a listen.

No Intention – The Dirty Projectors






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6 07 2009

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That is it

2 07 2009

Okay, they’ve been renovating the apartment next door. Oddly, that has been less noise than Mike, the crazy neighbor who used to live there, ever made.

But today, this highly chemical and nauseating smell started seeping in. For 30 minutes C and I sat there hoping it would abate or something (we’ve smelled paint on and off for a week, but it hasn’t been a big deal) until I finally went upstairs and threw up. It was that bad.

So we left the apartment. I called the office at 2 pm, complaining about it. They said that the counters were being stripped and they would tell the workers next door to open the windows and get the smell out.

We got back 3 1/2 hours later, at 5:30, walked in, and the smell was worse than when we left. We could barely walk inside and the smell was now coming out of our A/C vents. So we go up to the office. The person we talked to at 2 apparently “forgot” to tell the workers to air the place out, but they will go open all the windows now. The manager gives us two fans and tells us to open all our windows.

In Texas.
In summer.

So now we’re sitting here sweating and nauseated. We’ve been told the smell should start clearing out in 4-5 HOURS. Seriously.

Am I wrong, but in places with linked vent systems, shouldn’t you close off the vents in one place when you do something like that? Or, say, if you do anything requiring that you wear a mask, shouldn’t steps be taken to ensure the smell doesn’t go into where other people are living?

Just curious.  And very. fucking. hot.