One of my grades has been posted and I’m so upset about it I might throw up. Yes, it really is that bad. And I can talk all I want about how horrible the class was (really, it was) and blah blah blah but the point is that I dropped the ball and now I’m really pissed off at myself. Really.
Other than THAT, I wrote what I consider to be a fairly decent sociolinguistics paper in 14 hours on Sunday and drove to campus yesterday to drop it off. Now I only have one paper left, due Monday. But that one is already written and just needs some revision (new constraints, new rankings, stuff like that). Oddly enough, I’m enjoying writing THIS paper. Because I’m a dork and it turns out I like Optimality Theory. Granted, it doesn’t have the most practical application in the world, but it’s fun to mess around with, kind of like a puzzle.
If I had a food processor (hint hint to people, my birthday is soon) then I would be making this nonstop. In fact, I used to make it nonstop and many people were grateful and they loved me immensely. I bring to you . . .
I had an idea while commenting on Pajiba . . . I need suggestions for post-final/decompression movies. These are the rules thus far:
1) They have to be kind of easy, because our little brains are taxed and oozing from our ears.
2) BUT they have to have some element of cleverness and wit. Otherwise, how can we feel superior about being in school? This goes double for grad students–we like feeling superior but projecting that much douche-baggery on a daily basis is exhausting.
3) Funny is good, funny is great. Laughing can clear up all kinds of post-final ailments.
4) Any movie which can be adapted to a drinking game gets bonus points.
Are there not enough graphs in your life? Do you feel the need to graph everything, ever? Do you look at popular culture or song lyrics and think, “This could be graphier”? Yes? Then go check out GraphJam.com
So I’m sitting here, studying. My cell phone rings. The number says Texas but it doesn’t look familiar. I figure that it’s C calling from work for some reason.
Me: Hello?
Guy: Hi, do you happen to have a dentist’s chair?
Me: Um, what? A dentist’s chair?
Guy: Yeah, do you happen to have one?
Me: What?!? Why would I have a dentist’s chair? Who is this?
Guy: Sorry, I must have the wrong number.
Now, this is weird enough. But I still have a Louisiana number. So why is someone from the city I’m living in now calling a Slidell, LA number for this kind of thing? At 10:30 at night? WEIRD.
And THEN I reversed the number that called on switchboard.com and GUESS WHAT? The number came back to the guy that we were trying to rent the house from. WHAT THE HELL ALTERNATE UNIVERSE AM I LIVING IN? And why does a guy who recently moved to San Francisco (I thought) need a dentist’s chair?!?!?
I should start writing about some of my crap jobs. They were kind of spectacular. To get started, here is what I posted on the pajiba comment diversion that I mentioned in the earlier post:
I’ve had TONS of crap jobs. 2 weeks at an airbrush shop (oh yeah) where I burnt my hand on the heat press and the pothead “artist” wouldn’t let me go to the mall first aid thing because “we might get some customers in here, like, any time now.” I quit.
I was a personal assistant to a doctor for one day. I went to his house, he pointed to a monolithic stack of Playboy and Hustler (and something called Hairy Women) and requested that I order them by date and amount of vag shown in centerfold. They looked sticky, I left the house.
My last job was actually pretty cool. I worked for a private investigation company and watched surveillance footage of people who were supposed to be too hurt to work as they attended Mardi Gras parades and held people on their shoulders. What sucked about the job was a co-worker. She was a massive drunk. One day, I called in to work because I had been injured in a car accident the prior evening. She called me AT HOME and demanded I go in to work. This is how she started this conversation: “Sharon. Do you know how bad of a morning I’m having? I woke up this morning covered in shit. I shit myself while I was asleep and now I can’t go to work. You have to go. Do you hear me? I shit myself. Now go into work.” I told her that 1) she wasn’t my fucking boss and 2) I had 3 cracked ribs, so, you know, GO TO HELL, MISSY!!! She told EVERYONE in the office that she shit herself and we all made fun of her for months. Which is exactly what she deserved. So there.
This might help. Since I’m a loving, caring person I just want to bring a little light and joy into the lives of my readers. And to that end I’m supplying you with another brilliant comment diversion by Pajiba. Go check out
Reality tv is just getting to be too much. Yeah, I watch one show without fail. So You Think You Can Dance. And anyone who knows about my obsession with dance movies isn’t surprised by this AT ALL. If I can happily sit through stuff like Center Stage, Fame, or Breakin’ (1 and 2), then of COURSE I want to watch a dance show. But then, I saw an ad for this show. CelebraCadabra, and my head imploded.
Have you ever seen this video? Maybe you have, maybe you haven’t. M sent me this a while ago and I LOVE watching it, especially when I’m having a bad day. As a linguist, I should have something deep and meaningful to say about this (using one’s own phonological rules to interpret a different language, blah blah blah). As, um, ME, all I have to say is that I love love LOVE the outfit changes, the enthusiastic dancing, and the “hoodie move” seen early on. M, baby, this is for you!
Now, look. I just don’t do fancy recipes. Sure, the crepes looked impressive but really? I need recipes that are quick and easy and cheap. If they happen to look cool, well then goody on me. Some recipes are just kind of white trash and I don’t care. If I want to mix condensed mushroom soup and tuna and serve it over rice, then I will. I ate that a lot growing up and it still tastes pretty good. So hush. This recipe is just as simple and can either be used for lunch or dinner. They’re also pretty good left over and reheated the next day, so go ahead and make extra. I might make these soon and post some pictures, but don’t count on it.
