I’m posting this even though I posted it YEARS ago. But it bears repeating.
I know, this sounds stupid, but hear me out.
In no way do I pretend that this is fact. I am merely explaining my view of things, as it looks from within my head. Not enough people do this, I think, and that leads to conflict and a general lack of empathy. So here goes:
Fish don’t have teeth. That’s right. In MY mind, that’s how it works. Some fish have teeth, but they must be either big or dangerous. Whales – big. They have teeth. Piranha – dangerous. They have teeth. Sharks are big and dangerous. They have extra teeth. Any fish that fails to fill either requirement – no teeth.
This theory tends to piss a lot of people off. Friends send me to biological web pages with diagrams of fish. My girlfriend threatens to take me to the aquarium to prove me wrong. I tell her “Why would I want to pay all that money to see fish gumming their food?” This makes her scream and hop around like I just snuck itching powder into her bar of soap. It’s funny.
Again, I never claimed that I was right, this is just how it works in my head. I understand that my brain often has nothing to do with reality. I mean, when I was in kindergarten and got cold in the classroom, I would make a pile of all my red, yellow and orange crayons and warm my hands over it. I actually believed that those colors were having an effect. Sure, it might have been the friction of my little hands rubbing together over the “fire,” but to this day I’m still halfway convinced that I was on to something. So quit telling me that I’m crazy! Just let me believe what I want to, it’s not hurting anyone.
Maybe next time I’ll tell you about my views on inanimate objects. They have feelings, you know. Ask Tom Robbins; he understands.