Some girl is sniffing ’round my friend’s boyfriend. If I had the time and the money I’d go smack her in the face. And my friend insists that she’s a sweet person, this interloper, and that she maybe doesn’t know what she’s doing. Well that’s bullshit and I don’t mind saying it. No one brings someone homemade food and cookies to work, or runs to him every time there’s a problem, or manages to sit next to him at EVERY social gathering without an ulterior motive.
My friend also insists that this girl is super nice to her. Well YEAH. Of course. That’s how you do it. You don’t want to look like the BAD person, just the better person. This is an elaborate game and there are rules. The main rule being: Don’t look like a crazy bitch who can’t keep her clothes on. You just have to be available and consistently look like the right choice. And let the guy feel like a hero in numerable small ways. Most girls know this and can recognize it, but my friend is not a girly girl (which is why I like her so much) and I had to explain to her why this other girl is bad news. And I’m still offering to drive home and smack her in the mouth.
Just remember, friend of mine, you are awesome and gorgeous and a great many things I wish I could be. Also, C keeps a bat around here somewhere and I’m allowed to borrow it.