Like many people, I unfortunately have an overhead fluorescent light in my kitchen. I’ve mentioned before that it is spazzy and temperamental, and it’s gotten worse. Lately, it doesn’t come all the way on when you hit the switch and we have deduced that the chance of it working is greatest if you turn it on when the A/C is running. Or, if you slam a particular cabinet door. I don’t know why these things work, but they do (sometimes) and so they have become part of our household mythos.
Tonight, though, the light is creeping me out. I came home from a fun night (dinner and a haircut with M, in that order, followed by a snoball), and turned it on. It didn’t want to come on all the way, so I’m letting it “warm up” or whatever the hell it’s doing in there. If you let this go on long enough, it will eventually turn itself on all the way. My problem is that instead of just being dim, it is dim and flashing sporadically. Like the lighting effects in a bad horror film. Every time I look over into the kitchen I expect some weird figure to emerge from the shadows, or the girl from The Ring to show up and literally scare me to death with a look. This is the lighting during the scenes where you scream at the character as they creep through the abandoned building. “Oh my god, look around you! Listen to the music with heavy breathing in it! The crazy murderer is coming for you. MOVE, moron!!!”
I’m starting to think the light is plotting my gruesome death. Like I’ll go in there to, I don’t know, make some pasta or grab a drink, and the light will descend upon me with numerous shadowy hands and strangle me. And then steal my pasta while cackling demoniacally. It could happen. The fact that Maya is running around and staring over the couch and meowing at the wall like the dog in Poltergeist right before the things came out of the TV is NOT helping.
You think I’m crazy? I say I’m cautious.