I’m codependent. I admit it. When C is out of town, I start moping. I’m fine during the day because I can pretend she’s at work. But as soon as I have to go to bed and realize she’s not coming home, I deflate a little. It’s kind of sad.
Anyway, she went out of town because a family member quite suddenly died. And upon her return we were talking about how badly we feel for his wife and children, especially now that the rest of the extended family is trickling back to their own homes. They’re having to deal with this sudden emptiness, the silence, the loss that must seem gaping.
And I told her how I used to have nightmares about her dying. Granted, they were more frequent when our lives were super stressful, and I was constantly worried about her. But the nightmares have changed over time and now instead I have nightmares about her being gone. Just . . . gone. And dealing with that void.
C: But you’ve always had those. And I have them. It’s a normal fear, I think.
Me: It might be a normal fear, but I think it’s a little weird to have nightmares about that kind of thing when nothing is wrong.
C: Well then, we’re both screwed up.
Me: Oh my god, I’m codependent. That’s what I am! Crap, can I borrow your napkin? I don’t have one.
C: (smirking) Do you want a sip of my drink, or do you want your own?
Me: I’ll just take a sip of yours. Oh. Hey!! That’s not funny.
My girl, bringing it all into perspective.