And now I’m done

2 01 2010

Okay, I finished the 4th Twilight book.

And while I stand by my last ranty post, I’ve decided that these books are not the most evil things ever.

Yes, I still think that the lessons and portrayals of female sexuality are just . . . wrong. Very wrong. But I also think that these books aren’t well-written enough to matter, in the end.  They’re simply not good enough to stick with anyone for a lifetime, which will hopefully negate the ass-backward themes in them.

Also, I read some objectively terrible-for-me literature as a pre-teen or younger (Flowers in the Attic, anyone?) and have not been scarred by it, so far as I can tell.

So I’m willing to admit that I was overreacting about the possible long-term effects of Twilight.

Anyway, let’s get to my review of the last book, since I haven’t really done a review of any of them that has anything like a plot summary. They’ve mostly been me shouting.  Here be spoilers:

This was the stupidest book of the bunch. Hard competition, I know, but really. There’s honeymoon sex which leaves Bella all bruised (and as AvB pointed out to me, she’s oddly proud of it). Mkay. I’m going to gloss over that.

She gets pregnant, there’s a mutant baby who, once born, grows at an astounding rate. Much like that blonde half-alien baby from V. You’re original, Meyer. Jacob the werewolf falls in love with the baby as soon as she’s born (no really, there’s this thing called imprinting and it’s just so stupid) and just like that, all his love and angst over Bella is over. Poof. So the Team Jacob freaks can calm it on down, because it’s never going to happen.

Another thing I mentioned to AvB, and I stand by it, is that all these books read like semi-literate fanfiction.  (For the non-dorky, fanfiction is when fans are not satisfied with where the books end and take it upon themselves to write new stories using the same characters. Or to make random characters have sex with each other in fairly inventive ways. It’s pretty funny). The point being, most fanfiction is a pale imitation of a real story. Characters aren’t that fleshed out because that part, the hard part, was taken care of in the original work by the author. That’s how Twilight seems.  The characters have little motivation for their actions other than “and that’s how it is” or “because these are the things I know.” But the process leading up to big decisions is rarely revealed.

So there. I did it. And now I can say with authority that Twilight kind of sucks. It’s not complete dreck, but it’s also not good enough to get all in a lather over. Even for me.

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4 responses

2 01 2010
Lisa

Anne Rice’s Mayfair Witches series also had mutant babies growing at alarmingly fast rates.

2 01 2010
Sharon

That’s right!! I totally forgot about that. Somehow, though, they weren’t as lame as this mutant baby.

3 01 2010
dene

Congratulations! you are a stronger person than I!

Seriously, I picked up the first Twilight book thinking, “How bad can it really be?” I used to love Sweet Valley! I had to put it down after 2 chapters because the writing was actually hurting my head and it was just SO stupid. I will not attempt it again.

6 01 2010
Vikky

My boyfriend and I rented the first Twilight movie on New Years’ Eve. He was not looking forward to it, even when I offered to make it a drinking game (“Everytime Edward sparkles, we’ll drink! Everytime he refuses to accept boundaries, we’ll drink!”). Midway through the movie he turned to me and said, “This isn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be.”

Having read the books, I can’t wait to watch the rest of the movies with him. The look on his face when, say, Bella decides to become a daredevil because that’s the only way she can be close to Edward or when Jacob imprints on Renesmee (and the look on his face when she names her daughter Renesmee will be priceless.

God, these books are awful.

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