I suck as a caretaker

8 05 2010

C finally went to the doctor today and came home with a diagnosis of outer ear infection.  I’m at the computer, working on a particularly annoying training video . . .

C: Can you put my ear drops in for me?
Me: What? No. It’s not hard. Lie down there (pointing to guest bed) and go bloop bloop in your ear 3 times.
C: I want you to do it!
Me: Why on earth do you want me to do it?
C: Because you do it better.
Me: How would you know? I’ve never done it!
C: Just put the ear drops in!
Me: Fine. GOD. Lie down.  (I grab the drops and start shaking them)
Me: (almost dropping the . . . drops)  Jesus Christ don’t yell like that! What is it?
C: You have to warm them up in your hand first.
Me: Now you’re just lying. I’ve never heard such a crazy thing.
C: No it says right here on the directions — warm bottle in hands so that the temperature difference doesn’t cause dizziness.
Me: Those must be the wussy baby directions.
C: Well, they didn’t say anything about special directions, it just says it on the label.
Me: They took one look at you and said, “Give her the wussy baby directions.”
C: Do it anyway. It says so on the label. If you don’t follow the directions you’ll go to jail.
Me: Right.  (I proceed to put 3 drops in her ear)
C: It’s cold!! You dripped on my head!
Me: Stop fidgeting then!
C: You didn’t warm them up!
Me: You sat here and watched me snuggle this damn bottle in my palms. Not my fault you have weird ears.
C: You’re no good at this. (pouty lip starts happening)
Me: I was trying to tell you that and now it’s too late. Should have listened to me.

I do feel bad for her, I’ve had TONS of ear infections. A couple years ago I had a middle ear infection so bad I was just sobbing and it was too swollen for the medicine to get in.  So you might think I would be a little more sympathetic, right?  But I’m not.  I’m just all, “suck it up, sicky!”

Oh well.


Separation Anxiety

23 08 2008

It’s 2:45 in the morning.  I’m waiting around to take C to the airport for her VERY early flight.  It was originally scheduled for 10, but they bumped it up in order to try and avoid landing in Tropical Storm Fay.  Hahahaha.

I always get nervous when C leaves town, I can’t help it.  What if something happens?  Have I said everything I ever wanted to say to her?  Does she know I love her?  What if, what if.  I’m not a paranoid person, generally, but it’s easy to NOT be paranoid when I can keep an eye on the people I might worry about.  Having that person fly into a tropical storm, gosh, that just makes it more exciting!!

Ugh.  I know full well that I’ll be sad all day today.  It’s just too quiet when she’s out of town, and this will be for 5 days.  Thankfully, G and K have invited me over for a late breakfast and I think I might see a movie with M either this afternoon or tonight.

That doesn’t make coming home to an empty apartment any easier.

I joke around with C, asking her to help me come up with some ideas of trouble to get into.  But really, I get mopey when she’s gone.  I turn on the TV to keep some noise going, and play with the cats.  But I realize after a couple of days that unless I make a point to call someone on the phone, I can go without speaking for quite a while.  That in itself is just sad, right?  It make me have conversations with the cats that are more inane and in-depth than usual.  I mean usually it’s just like:

Me: Me-oh Maya!
Maya: Meow meow!
Me: I know! Where’s your string?
Maya: Meow meow!
Me: That’s so clever of you, you’re a sweet kitty.

But when I’m alone for too long and getting desperate it turns into something else entirely.

Me: Maya, I feel as though we’re not connecting like we used to.  You were napping on my leg and seemed perfectly content until that moth flew by and now it’s like you’ve forgotten our time together.
Maya: (hunting what is apparently the demon moth that will steal her food and toys and maybe upend her litter box if she doesn’t kill it soon) MEOW!!!!
Me: I know, I hear what you’re saying.  But what I’m trying to express is that I think you’re fickle sometimes.  And I’m saying this with love.  And that hurts my feelings, you know?
Maya: meow?

I’ve learned that when I try too hard to relate to the cat, she either eats my hair or manages to claw me.  I should probably stop that.

Okay, it’s time to take my girlfriend to her plane that will be flying into a maelstrom of death.  Yippee.

Sunday morning

13 07 2008

Last night as I was leaving the party, I asked M if she wanted to come crash on my couch instead of driving all the way home (I live roughly 2 minutes from where the party was).  She said yes and I drove her back to her car this morning.  As we’re walking to the car, my phone rings.

C: Where are you goinnnggg?
Me: I’m driving M back to her car.  I’ll be right back.
C: What?
Me: M crashed at our place.  Be right back.
C: You’re coming back?
Me: Yes
C: Really?
Me: Oh my god, go back to sleep.

I get home and C starts yelling for me to come upstairs.  I do, once I take out my earrings (I’ll tell that story another day, I promise).

C: Did you sleep in here?
Me: No, I slept in the guest room.  I was a little drunk.
C: I stayed up waiting for you!
Me: Well that was silly, I was at a party.
C: But I did.  And you didn’t come home and I fell asleep and I didn’t get to see you.
Me: You knew I was at a party, why would you expect me home before you went to bed?
C: Because.  And then I woke up and you weren’t in the bed.  (she starts pouting)
Me: Quit trying to make me feel guilty!  I know it’s Sunday morning and all, but we’re not in church!!

At this point the cat jumps onto the bed and almost lands on C’s head, which led to much screaming by her and giggling by me.

Wonderful party last night.  Thanks, G and K.  Your friends are funny!

My girlfriend–she is strange

6 06 2008

The other night C got home from work and I went upstairs to lie down and talk with her. She’s always very tired when she gets home, you see. I had grabbed my cell phone on my way upstairs because, well, just because. I laid down and she took it from me and put it on her nightstand.

Me: Hey! Give me back my phone! What is it doing over there?
C: I put it next to my phone.
Well what it is doing next to your phone?
C: They’re making babies.
Me: Ewwwwww!!! Your phone is bad and moving way too fast. Gross.

Really, this is the kind of stuff we say to each other. We decided to go to the movies. Without thinking, C grabbed both our phones and got into the car.

C: Did you want your phone? I grabbed it.
Me: Oh. No, just leave it in the car.
(as we exit the car to go into the theater)
Me: Is your phone in the same cup-holder with my phone?
C: They’re lovin’ it up. Stop worrying.

So we see the movie, and it was fun. We exit and start getting into the car. As I’m sitting down and reaching for my seatbelt, C grabs my mini-MP3 player which is jacked in to the stereo by a cable.

C: Look! A baby phone! And it’s still got the umbilical cord, that’s cute.

I stared at her for about 5 seconds before I laughed so hard I thought I might pee. Again, this is what happens when we’re left alone.

And just now, she was passing where I’m sitting on the couch. I grabbed the back of her jeans and she almost fell over. Mildly angry, she leaned over me:

C: I could have fallen! I would have broken your arm!!! Sharon (middle name) (last name) don’t you do that again!
Me: Hush, I would have caught you.
C: No you wouldn’t have! And if you had, I would have broken your arm!

This was getting tedious so I reached up to poke her in the side. She’s ticklish. This resulted in the following statement:

C: I mean it when I THBPPTH!!!

In case that onomatopoeia isn’t quite coming through, that’s her blowing a rather large raspberry in surprise. And I think this is a pretty good lesson in how to deal with people giving you an annoying lecture. Wait for the most opportune moment, then poke them somewhere guaranteed to tickle. They make that noise, THBPPTH!! Lecture over.

Speaking of 8 1/2 years . . .

21 04 2008

That means it has been almost 9 years. On September 1, it will have been 9 years. Which means we will both be 30 for our 10-year anniversary and that means that we will have spent 1/3 of our lives together. Whaaaaaat??!?!

That is crazy! I cannot, at all, in any kind of way believe that we have been together that long. Neither can anyone else. Really, ask anyone who knew us back then. It started out so oddly and there were so many things wrong with us, both of us, and we fought all the time. I mean, we still fight all the time but now it’s about domestic stuff. It’s almost cute. We used to FIGHT fight and have really big problems. Yelling, slamming of doors, breaking of things . . . insane massive fights that I would like to apologize to all of our old roommates for. In fact, I don’t think we’ve fought like that for a while. And we haven’t even had a big fight in months now. Perhaps we have mellowed and both gotten easier to live with.

. . . .

I’m sorry, I can’t say that with a straight face. It’s such bullshit.

The real reason is probably that she’s always at work and I’m either in class or on the computer writing a paper and in one week I might get a total of 3 hours face time with her. There’s no time to discuss rent and groceries, let alone fight.

Random useless information

19 03 2008

I was reading a comment diversion on Pajiba today about ringtone choices on cell phones. Everyone has a different opinion, ranging from “I’m too serious/hip to do lame shit like worry about ringtones” to “I have a different ringtone for everyone I know; here’s a list!” And of course there’s always the contest between people to have the coolest, most nostalgiac, most obscure band ringtone. Extra points for using something dealing with 80s childhood nostalgia, like having the Fraggles theme song.

This got me thinking about the ringtones I’ve made for my phone (I’m not paying for them, people actually pay for them?). Read the rest of this entry »

Sometimes my girlfriend is really cranky

27 02 2008

I’m downstairs studying. I have just taken a break to eat a really tasty lunch of cream cheese, capers, tomato, and lox on an everything bagel. That has definitely brightened my day. I’m feeling good, getting things done until . . .the girlfriend wakes up and comes into the living room. Read the rest of this entry »