I suck as a caretaker

8 05 2010

C finally went to the doctor today and came home with a diagnosis of outer ear infection.  I’m at the computer, working on a particularly annoying training video . . .

C: Can you put my ear drops in for me?
Me: What? No. It’s not hard. Lie down there (pointing to guest bed) and go bloop bloop in your ear 3 times.
C: I want you to do it!
Me: Why on earth do you want me to do it?
C: Because you do it better.
Me: How would you know? I’ve never done it!
C: Just put the ear drops in!
Me: Fine. GOD. Lie down.  (I grab the drops and start shaking them)
Me: (almost dropping the . . . drops)  Jesus Christ don’t yell like that! What is it?
C: You have to warm them up in your hand first.
Me: Now you’re just lying. I’ve never heard such a crazy thing.
C: No it says right here on the directions — warm bottle in hands so that the temperature difference doesn’t cause dizziness.
Me: Those must be the wussy baby directions.
C: Well, they didn’t say anything about special directions, it just says it on the label.
Me: They took one look at you and said, “Give her the wussy baby directions.”
C: Do it anyway. It says so on the label. If you don’t follow the directions you’ll go to jail.
Me: Right.  (I proceed to put 3 drops in her ear)
C: It’s cold!! You dripped on my head!
Me: Stop fidgeting then!
C: You didn’t warm them up!
Me: You sat here and watched me snuggle this damn bottle in my palms. Not my fault you have weird ears.
C: You’re no good at this. (pouty lip starts happening)
Me: I was trying to tell you that and now it’s too late. Should have listened to me.

I do feel bad for her, I’ve had TONS of ear infections. A couple years ago I had a middle ear infection so bad I was just sobbing and it was too swollen for the medicine to get in.  So you might think I would be a little more sympathetic, right?  But I’m not.  I’m just all, “suck it up, sicky!”

Oh well.


Hork if you’re tired

5 09 2008

So H evacuated Slidell and went north to Ruston.  I asked her how the process went, how her family’s doing, and how the cat, Mina, handled the evacuation.

Here is her story as told by H (and recreated as faithfully as possible by me):

Well, we had to board up both houses and we were trying to leave ahead of contra-flow.  But Mina had decided to hide in the depths of the house, you know, like she does when I really need her to be out.  And I realized I hadn’t seen her in hours and then I noticed the front door was open and I’m like “Oh my god, what if she got out.”  But I figured she was just hiding from noise and dogs and such.  So we went to my house because the renters didn’t do ANYTHING before leaving and, oh!  Did I tell you about the spiders?  So it’s late at night and we’re putting up a board and there’s a HUGE spider and I make Casey kill it by stomping on it but THEN there are like a gajillion spider babies exploding everywhere.  That’s when I say “screw this! We really have to get going like RIGHT NOW because of, um, contraflow!  That’s it!  Off we go!”

So we go back to the house and find Mina THANK GOD and pack her, the two dogs, and all the stuff into the car.  Also, I couldn’t find either of the cat carriers that I know are somewhere so I had to make one out of a box with tons of holes punched in it and tape.  So we put the box on top of all the stuff and Mina starts the pathetic “Oh god you hate me, I want to die” noises that she makes even when you pick her up so we don’t take her all that seriously.  After 30 minutes she stops scratching.  An hour later, I look back and her entire head is poking out of the box.  She had nommed one of the holes until it was wide enough for her head to poke through.  A few minutes after that I hear this weird noise, look back, and Mina has lugged her body through the nomming hole.  And now she insists on riding up front in someone’s lap, preferably whoever is driving.  So . . . yeah.

We FINALLY make it to Ruston and stop at my mom’s house.  And you know how during Katrina, even, Mina wouldn’t eat or anything on the trip?  Well, same thing this time.  And so we finally leave my mom’s house on our way to my grandmother’s and you know all those hills?  Well Mina freaks out and starts drooling all crazy and there’s like these clear threads coming out of her mouth and then it turns into bubbles and then I guess she’s trying to throw up from motion sickness but she hasn’t eaten so all this weird gooey shit keeps coming out until me, Casey, and the entire front of the car are covered in kitty hork and it’s just so bad.  Casey’s all like “Damn, I took a shower so I could be clean and non-smelly to meet your grandmother and now I’m covered in kitty goo, so . . .whatever.”

At this point, I was laughing too hard to hear any more story.  Because “kitty hork” is just too good at making me giggle.  Mina is fine, H is fine, the houses are fine.  And yes, it’s a sad story of a sick cat.  But it’s also funny as hell.

I feel like crap

22 04 2008

At first I thought our A/C was on the fritz.  I couldn’t sleep last night because I was SO HOT.  And then I realized that I had a fever.  Which basically sucks.  I pulled my ass out of bed this morning and went to campus.  I got to my office, sat down, and promptly fell asleep in my cubicle.  I awoke a snotty mess and realized my first class had started.  So I went to M’s office (professor of my second class) and KNOCKED ON HER DOOR which is a big no-no in academia but whatever.  And then I apologized profusely for bothering her before asking if I could have my rough draft back for my presentation on Thursday because there was no way in hell I was gonna make it until her class at 2.  I was promised a scan and an email of my draft.  And now I’m home sucking on a Mocha Dream chiller because I’m sick and my throat hurts and it’s cold and I could get it from a drive-through window on my way home.  Don’t judge me.

On a happier note, this semester is almost over.  We’re leaving for Louisiana on the 15th, I think.  Spend a few days there, go eat at Court of Two Sisters, find some seafood.  It’s all about food, really.  And I want a daquiri!  I miss getting a huge girl drink in a go cup.  Chocolate mint daquiri, you shall be mine.  Speaking of which . . .

I’m posting this video because I hadn’t seen it in years until Molly sent it to me.   Girl Drink Drunk